I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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