Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
