he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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