She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
