I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
