in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
