i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
