My cat gives me a boner
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
