one two three fourrrrnication!
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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