I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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