no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
