RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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