That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
