it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
