All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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