Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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