Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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