after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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