Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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