i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
