yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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