woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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