You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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