i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
In America we eat man semen.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
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