Where did you get a picture of my penis
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
