peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize