Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Randomize
