That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
