i don't like sucking hair
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
