dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
