i just wanna soil my oats bro
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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