I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
