there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
it was like eating out sand paper
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
