Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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