I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
