i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
