hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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