So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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