a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
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