Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize