fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
