yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
