Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
