Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
