a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
