I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
