in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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