I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
