sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
