Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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