Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize