i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
