she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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