You just made me feel so damn special
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
