mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
