I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
