That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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