Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize