A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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