She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
