mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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