im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You've changed since you got that strap on
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
