the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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