Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize