Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
