Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
