I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
