literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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