dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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