That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
