cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
