hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
