The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
