I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
