the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize