Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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