Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
