Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I got inside last night via doggy door
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
