I heard we made out
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
