Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize