her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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