I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize
