He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
