I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
