Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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