Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
