If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
