PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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