The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
