If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
