So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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