Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
